Diagnosis? Neurotic perfectionism ... and it's got to stop.

One full month back into school and I'm starting to learn a lot of things about myself that need to be improved on. I decided to make a bulleted list.

Perfectionist : This is the bad kind. Have you ever found yourself looking at the start of a project and just can't seem to even get started because you want the end result to be flawless? This is a problem that has plagued me pretty much my entire life. Starting from piano recitals, to wrestling matches, and school. The minute I get stuck on something, I shut down and I end up not finishing the song, getting pinned, bombing the rest of the questions on the test.

That 25/30 I thought I got from last weeks quiz ended up being a 13/30. Good thing we get to drop a quiz score. Learning how to recover during moments of uncertainty is something that I'm definitely going to have to work on in the future to improve my success rate. This just doesn't apply to school, but for everything in life.

Neurotic : Stemming from the fact that I can't be perfect at everything. Who am I kidding? Perfection is impossible. It's an extreme that only occurs sporadically in our lives.

Energy Levels : I took a look back at the first 4 weeks of the quarter and realized that I only slept well during week 1 and through week 2 up until that bad quiz. Part of this is related to my workout schedule. When I don't exercise on a regular basis, I end up having sleepless nights and added stress. Eating hasn't been much of an issue but I do need to make sure I'm in the gym at least 3 times a week.

Fun : I'm trying to remember what this used to feel like. I'm suppose to be having fun while in school yet the added pressure that I've put on myself to not just succeed but succeed well has turned school into a job almost.

There is an advantage to noticing these problems early in my premed process. The sooner I can correct them, the quicker I can get back on track to just living my life and living it as well as possible. No one is going to kill me for not getting a 4.0 during a quarter and I shouldn't even be thinking about med school until the prereqs and MCAT are done. That's a good 3 years from now.

Time to sit back and relax a little. See you at the gym.

Calm Down

At the end of week 3 of the quarter and I just got done taking my second quiz in general chemistry. Despite the hours of studying that I have put into the material, I still ran into a question that stumped me before time ran out. What's even worse is that I figured the answer out within 2 steps of leaving the building. So this is what premed syndrome feels like. Anytime I don't get an A in something, I die a little on the inside. I know it's just a quiz. I know a 25/30 is still a decent grade for a quiz. Looks like I need to get some gym time in today in order to calm the f*** down.

Winter Quarter Week 1

Week one has come to an end and I'm not gonna lie; being back in school is the first time I've felt like I was doing something right in about 8 years. Even when I earned my first degree, my mentality at the time was that I was simply going through the motions so I could get my ticket to a salaried position as soon as possible. This time it's completely different. I'm finding new opportunities each day to take advantage of my time. Whether it's visiting the hospital to check on volunteer opportunities, or spending my free time in the library pounding away at practice chem problems; I am not having any trouble staying motivated.

The OSU campus has changed drastically in many ways but as I walk through the area from class to class, it almost feels like I never graduated. Buildings have been updated, kids who are 18 look like they are 12, and the SEL (Science and Engineering Library) is still overpopulated with indian and asian students. Fashion trends have changed slightly. Apparently having your jeans tucked into your boots is a must for social survival in the college world these days. The Boss Dogs carts are still in full force and it's nice to know that some things will never change.

My personal assessment of week one is positive. My energy levels are good though it has been emotionally taxing to make this change. I managed to get 2 work outs in and hopefully can get a 3rd in over the weekend. The class work is manageable so far which was a concern since I went with a full course load instead of starting off with 1 or 2 classes.

9 more weeks to go!